Clannad ~After Story~ 16; The birth of Nagisa’s dream, and the end of Tomoya’s dream.

       This episode begins in the other world, with it becoming colder and colder, the girl is almost unable to move, she tells the junk doll that she wants him to stay with her, but he continues to work on the craft so they can make their escape from this world.

     Meanwhile, Tomoya and Nagisa prepare for the birth of their child. While Tomoya goes to work each day, Sanae spends the day taking care of Nagisa. Tomoya is uncertain about whether he’s been good or bad for Nagisa, and he even asks Sanae if she and Akio wishes that he had never meet Nagisa that way she wouldn’t be in this situation, Sanae tells Tomoya that she and Akio are glad that he had meet Nagisa for many reasons.

     As Christmas and Nagisa’s birthday are approaching, Tomoya asks Nagisa what she wants? A big dango family of course, but Tomoya says that there’s not enough room. In the end, for Christmas and Nagisa’s birthday, Tomoya still gets Nagisa another large stuffed dango. Youhei stops by for the New Year’s holiday and he’s shocked at seeing how pregnant Nagisa is, then Kyou and Ryou also stop by, and soon Kotomi shows up too. As everyone is making small talk, Youhei asks Tomoya what it feels like to become a father, and soon the girls are also interested in Nagisa’s and Tomoya’s thoughts on parenthood.

      After a few tense moments, Kyou, Ryou, Kotomi, and Youhei figure out that Nagisa and Tomoya are still the same people they knew from before. See, they admit that they were a little uncomfortable because they were worried that Tomoya’s and Nagisa’s new status as a married couple and expecting parents have placed them in a different world from them. Soon, the conversation turns to Kotomi’s field of study, parallel worlds. Kotomi tells them that current theory says that it’s possible that other worlds exist near our world and it’s possible that there could be linkage between these other worlds. Kotomi’s words triggers Tomoya’s memories of a vision he had of a other world that contains a lonely girl. Ryou then tells the group that she still feels that the future is not set in stone, and that there are many possible paths for the future.

      A few days later, Tomoya is watching the construction of the new hospital when Akio walks up and joins him. Tomoya and Akio talk about how the city is changing, and Tomoya tells Akio that he feels that if the construction was stopped that Nagisa would get better, Akio tells him not to be silly, but Tomoya tells him that’s how he feels. At the same time as a heavy snow storm hits the city, pretty much putting a stop to everything, Nagisa develops a fever and begins her labor two weeks early.

           When Nagisa begins her labor, she’s having a tough time with it, and Tomoya holds her hand for comfort. Soon, Akio and Sanae arrive with Yagi-san, Akio tells them that he doubts that any vehicles will be moving because of the storm. Yagi-san soon takes charge of Nagisa’s delivery, she tells Tomoya to remain calm and to give support to Nagisa. Nagisa’s labor lasts for hours, Nagisa loses consciousness several times only to reawaken in severe pain, Tomoya is so upset by Nagisa’s pain that he almost feels like looking away, and he says that it feels like it’s taking an eternity. Then when Tomoya says that he feels that his mind won’t be able to take it any more, Nagisa finally gives birth to a baby girl.

     As soon as Tomoya is handed Ushio-chan, he shows her to Nagisa, but Nagisa is very listless and tired. When Tomoya shows Ushio to Nagisa, she’s very happy that Shio-chan was born safely at home, but Nagisa says that she’s very tired and that she now needs to rest. As Tomoya tries to keep Nagisa conscious by talking to her about their baby, Nagisa’s vision slowly turns blurry, fading to white. Tomoya keeps calling out to Nagisa, and as Ushio’s cries of life bathe the apartment, Nagisa’s gentle and loving spirit leaves this world as she dies.

        Once Tomoya realizes that Nagisa is dead, he sees flashbacks of all the good times he and Nagisa had together, and he comes to the conclusion that if he and Nagisa had never met, they wouldn’t have dated, fell in love, married, and had Ushio, causing Nagisa’s death and creating all this sadness. Well, that’s all for this episode, I couldn’t have taken anymore, anyways.

       Well, I knew that this outcome was possible, maybe even probable, but that knowledge didn’t lessen the impact that Nagisa’s death had on me. I know that there are plenty of Nagisa haters out there, or at least people that would have rather have had Tomoyo hookup with Tomoya instead, but I feel that Tomoya and Nagisa were tied together by the red string of fate.

       What made Nagisa’s character endearing to me was that while she might not have been strong of body, Nagisa was a kind, gentle, caring, and loving soul. Many times throughout this series Nagisa had opportunities to become bitter or angry with her situation or with others, but she instead chose the path of caring and understanding.

     After watching this episode  I found myself experiencing two contrary states of human emotions; joy and profound sadness. First I experienced the feeling of joy for Nagisa seeing her wish completed. When Tomoya asked Nagisa what she wanted, she told him she really wanted a child, and she wanted that child to be born intheir home. Nagisa also told Tomoya that she felt that the life she was bringing into this world was greater than her own. So, in that respect, I felt great joy for Nagisa safely giving birth to her dream, her wish, her child, Ushio. But, I also felt the contrary emotion of profound sadness for Tomoya. In those moments after Nagisa’s death, Tomoya pretty much turned his back on everything that his and Nagisa relationship was built upon, after all the happiness that he and Nagisa experienced together in their courtship and marriage, culminating in the birth of their ultimate expression of love, Ushio. At that moment, Tomoya wished that he and Nagisa had never met, never married, and never given birth to this sadness. To be true to Nagisa and her dream, Tomoya should have seen Ushio as his supreme treasure, a shining jewel to protect, cherish, and to nourish with enough love for two people, but instead I think that Tomoya will go down his father’s path for a while, I just hope it won’t be that long of a journey.

     It’s perfectly OK for Tomoya to feel sadness over Nagisa’s death if it’s for the right reasons, like feeling sad because he misses his wife, his lover, and his soulmate. But, it’s not OK to feel sad because he wishes that he and Nagisa had never met; go ahead and cry Tomoya, but cry for the right reasons. For a better explanation about my feelings on this matter please read the review portion of this post, and enjoy the following poem about what I feel is Tomoya’s and Nagisa’s cycle of life.

This is our Cycle

Our world is an endless cycle
To live we must die
To die we must live
One thing contradicts the other
But we cannot do without them
To survive you must fight
To fight you must survive
Our world never ceases
Or begins
Its all one big cycle
Over and over
To begin we must end
To end we must begin
This is our cycle
This is our life
To dream you must have hope
To have hope you must dream
Here is our cycle
Our life
Our hope
Our dream
Our death
Our life
This is our cycle
It is more than it seems

By Janelle Morehart